Closed and guarded self VS Open and friendly

On my tram ride today to uni, brainstorming was what I was doing. I was imaging, making connections to what I've sketched out and what I've brainstormed up with earlier. As much as I see myself as an open and friendly person, where I can interact easily with new people, talk and make conversation with randoms, in reality (on the other hand) I can be very private with my actual thoughts. It's not like I'm lying to myself, I'm just more specific with choosing whom I trust and can rely on. Other words, I can very guarded, I don't just let anyone into my world. I guess that comes with growing up. I remember when I was younger, I was definitely naive, very friendly and open to anything and, really, anyone who would listen or pay attention to me. I remember, on my first friend network account on hi5, I added randoms everyday, I was all about making new friends. I didn't really considerate how dangerous or reckless that was to make friends with just ANYONE. Obviously, now that I'm older, I do know better. Facebook for an instance. Someone instantly sees you as a friend if you've only met ONCE in person, or if you know someone else. Just recently I deleted a whole bunch of "friends" just because I've never really talk to them, hung out with them, nor do I really care if they are there in my future. That sounds harsh, but I like to keep it small. I don't care if I don't have over 300 friends anymore (like I used to). What matters is that there are the selected people who I can count on, who I can turn to. Those are the people whom I can believe in in my times of need. To them, I'm not as closed and guarded, to them, they can see my (majority) of my true self, share my secrets with. But overall, it's still a working process. I don't think you can really 100% trust someone, but there are those that come close.

Okay now that I've rambled enough about my thoughts of my good and bad side - things that I can concentrate on for my self portrait as a machine - I can start listing down my brainstorms on how I can represent this.

I was imaging a rubix cube shaped heart, instead of a lock and key. If my heart was shaped as a lock, I would say its only too easy for anyone to pick it nowadays. I can still be naive, I can trust too easily, give everyone that benefit of the doubt. So with a rubix cube, it would be more cryptic, they would have to approach me in a specific way, understand me on more than just one level before I can start opening up more. It's like a hands-on challenge, you can't just pick my lock, or jam in any old key. Also recently I've been trying to learn how to complete a rubix cube (well, with the help from the internet) but it's still hard. Having a rubix cube shaped as a heart sounds virtually impossible to unjumble - and it is (if it ever existed).

The idea of fairy lights also came up in my mind when I was brainstorming. Lights, was one of the machines that I came up with when I was brainstorming earlier on. Lights - they light up people's way, they help people see things clearer, what it symbolises is an idea, and I see myself as quite the creative person in my thinking. Anything is possible if you can imagine it. I see the fairy lights as innocence, but now that I'm older, I see my innocence has been tainted in more than just one way. So for the idea of the fairy lights, there would still be some lights working, while others could be busted, or no longer shining.

time to Google.

Ball gowns - I'm old fashioned, I can still enjoy the simple things of life (even if technology seriously does dominate my lifestyle) I want to create a machine where I'm in an extravagent ballgown (well at least in the shape of one), that is built up with 'machines' that make up on who I am. It'd be draped in fairy lights, metallic materials. My hands will be wide open, positioned like I'm feeling free, baring my chest to the viewer that it's locked. so what you see is what you get unless you dare to go beyond that. Chains.

Locks & Chains & Closed Windows (where you can only imagine what's beyond it)