I will always be a romantic

I seriously have an obsession with the colour red, hearts and every thing to do with lovey dovey genre. I wanted to buy a badge today with a red heart on it, but couldn't because, honestly, I'm broke. Otherwise it would be hanging off my pencil case right now. My msn font colour is red as well. Red is the colour of love, passion and confidence. Something I need more in my life, perhaps.

Still lost in what happened last night

motivation is hard to find when you have so much time on your hands.

Animal rights in Canada

I just came across an article about hunters killing up to 300,000 seals and seal pups for the likes of fashion. I only came across this article because early on in the Herald Sun (27th March Edition) there was an image of a very adorable looking seal pup. It most definitely bought my love with the look in its eyes, but the caption wasn't something to be happy about. It stated it was most likely to be killed soon. And there I go, back to reality where things aren't always what they seem. The article is titled: How Could They? -- it's horrible, seriously, I don't know how else to underline this horrible reality. It makes you think, what kind of world do we live in?

It hurts to know the truth

"A crisis repeating itself daily slowly erodes in terms of news value. There is nothing new to report, just the same horror again. We feel like we have seen the photographs of starving children with distended stomachs so often."
--Mark Scott, July 2005

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/why-you-will-never-see-a-front-page-like-this/2005/06/30/1119724757442.html

Nobody forgets such a nightmare, but we generally do

Poverty will be the topic of my political poster
Poverty across Africa and other third world countries that suffer from high rates of death each day due to the extremely low standards of living. It's seriously a whole different world for me, I can't even bear to imagine what a horrible nightmare that would be. It would be beyond surreal for me. Even when I do try to imagine, it hurts, to know I wouldn't be able to survive under such conditions. It took me a while to choose my political topic, only because I was searching for something that would gain my passion immediately, not something that would demand it. I didn't want to choose something I was not touched by. This particular image tugged strongly on my heartstrings that it still stings just by looking at it.


http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/why-you-will-never-see-a-front-page-like-this/2005/06/30/1119724757442.html

I would say generally I'm a very optomistic person. Though when I feel low, I feel really low, down in a hole low, but I can pick myself up after a while. The point of me stating this is that, I believe that I'm an optomistic person because I'm ignorant. I'm ignorant that there are others out there that are suffering while I take things for granted so easily. I would not say that I generally watch the news or update myself on current affairs by reading the newspaper often, because I don't. For one, the language in the newspapers are just so darn sophisticated and confusing that sometimes I get lost in the information. For second, watching the news is only something I do when there is nothing better on, but lately I haven't been watching much TV anyway. I'm quite slow on the updates such as the SiChuan Earthquake, OBAMA becoming the first black American President (seriously, that's so bad of me). Because I'm so ignorant of the fact that there are homeless children, people dying all over the world, I'm okay because I don't know or acknowledge it so much. However, when I do come across images like these, or any information of such, it tugs and pulls me down, right back down to earth where the pain that I feel from minor problems is absolutely NOTHING compared to what these children, these fathers, and mothers are dealing with their whole life. Ignorance is bliss, but acknowledging the problem and doing something about it is better.

Even though submerging myself into the research on poverty across Africa and other third world countries will make me feel sad, pitiful and downright horrible, it'll make me feel more when I start creating my political poster. Passion is what I was looking for, and I found it tonight, finally.

Discovered a new favourite song

I'd Come for You - Nickelback

Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it
I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
No matter what gets in my way

As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you

Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you

*sigh

I like taking macro shots

my new bracelet with all the words I need to keep me strong

my lovely heart earring ~

Starting over as an elevator

To represent myself as a machine, I chose to become an elevator. I have my ups and downs in life but usually that depends on how I see life, how I deal with the flow of things. However for my machine, I chose to build the elevator out of doors, and the rubix heart of mine is guarding its entry. There are levels on which I allow people to get to know me, based on how hard or how much effort they place in trying to solve the cryptic code of my heart. Even though I know it is virtually impossible to solve, the effort and time counts for me. This is quite hard to explain, but I'll find a way to make sense of it.

Here are scans of my doors to become my elevator. I used the same technique of printing on newspaper because I absolutely love the effect it created. I also discovered that I could adjust how my scanner would scan the image, i.e. darker, lighter, inverse etc and I tried it out about 4 times, all different styles.

scan 01 - trying out the inverse effect

scan 02 - old fashioned, here the doors looked more like doors

why did I choose to print it on the newspaper, mind games page of The Age?

Well the elevator doors are guarded by my rubix heart, so to play along more with that theme, I chose to coat the doors of my elevator with continuous cryptic problems such as crosswords, sudoku etc.

Creating something for me in photoshop is a slow process. Even though I've got ideas bursting out of my mind, it's hard for me to just create it. So right now, even though I would say I've done a lot so far for my machine, it's still definitely a working process. I'm fussy with my small but still important details to make my machine more meaningful to me.

The beauty of balance

I took this photo on Friday when the sky looked absolutely gorgeous with small bits of clouds everywhere. I edited the contrast and brightness so the house and trees would have a stronger silouette. I don't often take photos like these.

Munching on a Peanut Butter Sandwich

I think I have a fascination for curly things, well at least painting them. This is a canvas that I'm painting for my gorgeous friend Halie (aka, Haylehh). This is me painting without a plan, I'm pretty much going with a flow, even though I do have a distinct idea in my head. I just hope she likes it. She's gonna hang it up on her living room wall.

Painting has recently become one of my hobbies, besides blogging onto xanga. It's an escape that I can't describe. I haven't visited the escape for over a week now, due to stress of uni and what not in between. I think it's only on the weekends that I generally make time to paint. That's the other funny thing on how I choose to paint. Whenever I'm on the tram ride home or to uni, I look around for odd shapes, curly designs that inspire me. Usually when it's like 'whoaaaa', I mentally remember it and implement the idea down. It's funny how the mind works.

starting from scratch

So far along the road of my machine

I couldn't believe that I was able to create exactly what I wanted in my mind by just using newspaper (stuck to the printing paper) and printed out my eyes on it directly. I scanned it again so I would be able to manipulate it within photoshop. The original copy is (in my opinion) irreplaceable. :) I used another photograph of myself and traced my neck and long hair. Drawing hair is one of the main things that I enjoy drawing, because it can be so carefree, so unpredictable and yet it can define what mood you are in. My hair for my photograph was down, wavy and quite crazy, 'I'm letting my hair down' for what is to come, 'I'm going with the flow'

original scan;

Fascination with eyes

As part of my self-montage as a Machine, I'd like to emphasise the idea that I am open and friendly with photos of my own eyes. What I'm imagining in my mind is the photo of my eyes ripped out like it was from a magazine. I can tell when I'm smiling or not when I just look at my eyes, there's a difference with the curve of my eyes. And with the black eyeliner, it also enhances the expressions of my face. The word 'Hope' is one of my favourite words, it's something that keeps me going for the future, even if I've had my tumbleturns of pain in the past. Hope is what keeps me moving forward. I believe when I took these photos, hope is evident in them. I know that sounds quite vain, but for me at the time when I took those photos, it was a new beginning for me.

This is my sketch of my 'machine' so far. I included earphones where they're attached to my chest window i.e. 'I listen to my heart when it sings' I follow my feelings (which isn't always the best way to go about things) when I'm faced with something new/confronting/sad. So far this is my ideas all meshed together.

Closed and guarded self VS Open and friendly

On my tram ride today to uni, brainstorming was what I was doing. I was imaging, making connections to what I've sketched out and what I've brainstormed up with earlier. As much as I see myself as an open and friendly person, where I can interact easily with new people, talk and make conversation with randoms, in reality (on the other hand) I can be very private with my actual thoughts. It's not like I'm lying to myself, I'm just more specific with choosing whom I trust and can rely on. Other words, I can very guarded, I don't just let anyone into my world. I guess that comes with growing up. I remember when I was younger, I was definitely naive, very friendly and open to anything and, really, anyone who would listen or pay attention to me. I remember, on my first friend network account on hi5, I added randoms everyday, I was all about making new friends. I didn't really considerate how dangerous or reckless that was to make friends with just ANYONE. Obviously, now that I'm older, I do know better. Facebook for an instance. Someone instantly sees you as a friend if you've only met ONCE in person, or if you know someone else. Just recently I deleted a whole bunch of "friends" just because I've never really talk to them, hung out with them, nor do I really care if they are there in my future. That sounds harsh, but I like to keep it small. I don't care if I don't have over 300 friends anymore (like I used to). What matters is that there are the selected people who I can count on, who I can turn to. Those are the people whom I can believe in in my times of need. To them, I'm not as closed and guarded, to them, they can see my (majority) of my true self, share my secrets with. But overall, it's still a working process. I don't think you can really 100% trust someone, but there are those that come close.

Okay now that I've rambled enough about my thoughts of my good and bad side - things that I can concentrate on for my self portrait as a machine - I can start listing down my brainstorms on how I can represent this.

I was imaging a rubix cube shaped heart, instead of a lock and key. If my heart was shaped as a lock, I would say its only too easy for anyone to pick it nowadays. I can still be naive, I can trust too easily, give everyone that benefit of the doubt. So with a rubix cube, it would be more cryptic, they would have to approach me in a specific way, understand me on more than just one level before I can start opening up more. It's like a hands-on challenge, you can't just pick my lock, or jam in any old key. Also recently I've been trying to learn how to complete a rubix cube (well, with the help from the internet) but it's still hard. Having a rubix cube shaped as a heart sounds virtually impossible to unjumble - and it is (if it ever existed).

The idea of fairy lights also came up in my mind when I was brainstorming. Lights, was one of the machines that I came up with when I was brainstorming earlier on. Lights - they light up people's way, they help people see things clearer, what it symbolises is an idea, and I see myself as quite the creative person in my thinking. Anything is possible if you can imagine it. I see the fairy lights as innocence, but now that I'm older, I see my innocence has been tainted in more than just one way. So for the idea of the fairy lights, there would still be some lights working, while others could be busted, or no longer shining.

time to Google.

Ball gowns - I'm old fashioned, I can still enjoy the simple things of life (even if technology seriously does dominate my lifestyle) I want to create a machine where I'm in an extravagent ballgown (well at least in the shape of one), that is built up with 'machines' that make up on who I am. It'd be draped in fairy lights, metallic materials. My hands will be wide open, positioned like I'm feeling free, baring my chest to the viewer that it's locked. so what you see is what you get unless you dare to go beyond that. Chains.

Locks & Chains & Closed Windows (where you can only imagine what's beyond it)

What machine can I be?

We were talking about self portraits today in the design lecture. Being self obsessed is encouraged for this particular project (smiley face). I need to figure out what are my strongest points, the good and the bad, the contrast. Do I have an alter ego? (everyone does, yeah?) But I can be optomistic, everyone can see that. Hmm. I've done a brainstorm of what machine symbolises me and this is what I have come up with (on paper):

iPod, earphones, speakers - I like losing myself into the music, into the moment of the lyrics, camera - I am greatly part of the photography generation, polaroid - I love the instantaneous of it, glasses - something I can't live without memory stick, microphone, mouse and cursor, watch, clock, jukebox, paintbrush, mobile phone, light bulb, balance, security code, solar powered - I need encouragment and support (sunlight) to power my actions, calculator, organiser, remote control, waterproof - resilient, bicycle - experienced experiences where I don't forget like riding a bicycle, ladder...

What am I?

I can be loud, spontaneous, fun-loving, laugh-out-loud, confident, assertive, tough, sensitive, quiet, emotional, easy tempered, clueless, an over-thinker, hopeful, ambitious, creative, lovable, sad, a loveholic, artistic, rude (to people who deserve it), too nice for my own good, private, sociable, grateful, sometimes superstitious, romantic, unresonable, reasonable, materialistic (i love shopping for love), weak, resilient, optomistic and a pessimistic, passionate, selfish and greedy, hardworking, forgetful, organised, a dreamer, encouraged, discouraged, funny, lame funny, breathless (when it comes to breath-taking things like songs, movie scenes), important, shy, peer-pressured, a stressball, huggable, easy-going, down-to-earth kind of thing (girl).

A little bit of everything it seems. :) cool.

My sketches and drawings

Okay, so I have this really big fascination of drawing eyes, big volumised eyelashes and the intense look. Most people would say I have big anime eyes, especially when I'm not wearing my glasses. So for me, big eyes resemble me - same goes for having dimples. I'm not sure how this is suppose to help me with my self portrait as a machine, still trying to make the connection.

So now that I'm older now, and have gone through (probably only one tenth) of my share of pain for my whole lifetime, I guess I have grown to become more private and closed off to letting someone easily into my world. I know I've got a lot to offer if someone accepts me for just who I am, doesn't everybody? There's always something beautiful beyond that locked door within everyone. So even though I see myself as a pretty open person, friendly to new people, its not that 'snap' easy for me to just trust them (of course). Keys and locked doors, security codes and vaults, anything to prevent me from showing too much of my true self to others that don't matter.

Jean Sebastien Monzani

my chosen photographer and graphic designer, a very interesting character. Right now I'm skimming myself through his photographs and digital edited works and they're amazing. Even though I believe his female models are plain looking in some parts (where they don't have the distinctive features that make they stand out) but in his photographs, they're beyond extraordinary. The characterisation is strong for each series of photographs.

www.jsmonzani.com
http://www.simplemoment.com

I first discovered the works of Jean Sebastien Monazi when I bought myself a photography magazine (when I was going through my photography love phase). He was one of the featured photographers and graphic designers. The magazine, which is called: Soura Magazine, Photography, published 4 of his photography series, and they all captured me the moment I laid eyes on them.

The series were:

• The Prophecies of Borges
• The Creatures
• In Our Memories
• The Still Travelers

ahh, to me, they're really breath-taking. I don't know how else to describe it. Sometimes the photographs themselves is enough to tell the story, but with the right words, the ones that can pull onto your heartstrings heavily, create such a greater impact. (I mean look at me, breathless) Perhaps there is a personal connection to his photographs, words and design style. Still learning more about him.

Strengths and Weaknesses

My strengths:
1. Open, friendly and can smile easily
2. Confident in myself when it comes to being creative
3. Hard worker, likes to be organised
4. Place in passion into my work - personal connection
5. Goes with the flow of life

My weaknesses:
1. Sensitive
2. Forgetful (sometimes just talk, no action)
3. Self concious
4. Doesn't particularly prefer trying new things
5. Lacks common sense

Still thinking..
I guess it does help that I'm brainstorming my good and bad points, to push my thinking into how I could represent myself through machinery. I remember in class we discussed what could be a communal machine e.g. bbq which attracts community events, socialising between peers. A contradicting aspect of myself is that I'm organised, I stay on track MOST of the time, but other times I'm forgetful (perhaps the things I forget aren't really that important to begin with). I'm still thinking on how I would be able to portray that idea. It sure is a tough one.

Electronic Imaging and Design

This will be my little blog spot where I'll post up my ideas, thoughts and inspirations. Can't wait, can't wait! Especially since I'm a regular blogger myself, this is pretty much like second nature.